All right, this isn’t exactly
Oh, wait. That’s every other Disney child star from the past decade. My bad.
Fifteen year-old Miss Cyrus is appearing in an upcoming issue of Vanity Fair allegedly completely topless, except for a large opaque satin sheet covering her, you know, top. Her family and handlers have expressed feelings of shock, betrayal, embarrassment, etc. But the photographer was Annie Leibovitz, so I really don’t know what they were expecting.
Some say this is just the first of many strategic career moves by Miss Cyrus to shed her wholesome good girl image in favor of the slutty teen whore persona she will need to succeed when she’s eighteen. Others say she’s betrayed her obsessive entirely-too-much-TV-watching fans who look to her as a goody-goody faith-wielding role model. I say: Who gives a shit?
My thoughts on role models can be summed up by a quote from George Carlin:
If your kid needs a role model, and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
You’d think after sixty some-odd years people would catch on to the fact that TV isn’t exactly real. Politicians lie, professional athletes use drugs, and Beaver Cleaver gave nickel hand jobs. If they’d just teach these timeless infallible principles in school, maybe we wouldn’t feel so used when famous strangers who we pretend are our friends let us down.
But I guess it’s a lesson everyone has to learn on their own. I remember when I first found out that the guy who played Murdock on “The A-Team” wasn’t completely bat shit crazy. I cried for days. Then there was the time I discovered you couldn’t really seal a dangerous acid leak with some duct tape and a chocolate bar. First thing I did when I got released from the hospital was hang a “Fuck MacGyver” sign on my bedroom door. Live and learn, I guess.
But back to the Hannah Does Montana story. The latest reports indicate Billy Ray Cyrus did in fact suspect ahead of time that this photo shoot might not be well received by his daughter’s fawning idol-worshipers-in-training fan base, and he allegedly pleaded with Annie Leibovitz and Vanity Fair afterward: “Don’t tell her cult, her bitchy whiny cult. I just don’t think they’ll understand. And if you tell her cult, her bitchy whiny cult, the shit might go and hit the fan. Ooooh.” Okay, he didn’t say that. But, HAHA! Now you’ve got that song stuck in your head. That’s what you get for reading about crap like this.
Bonus George Carlin quotes:
Is there another word for synonym?
Why do we say something “is out of whack”? What's a whack?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as "4s"?
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
He’s my role model.