Bob In Boston

Troll Poll #4 - (Less Than 2 Months Until The Earth Is Destroyed (Again))

If you haven't heard about this yet then I don't know which utterly insignificant little blue-green planet you've been living on. I've been actively ignoring it, in hopes it would eventually give up and just go away, but is hasn't.

In October, the 6th book in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy will be released, written, not by Douglas Adams, who is dead, but by Eoin Colfer, who is not. Eoin Colfer is the guy who's written the Artemis Fowl books, which I had completely ignored until my son inhaled the entire series in about a week and a half this summer. Since then I've read a few of them--okay, I'm on #5--and I have to say they are 100% not bad.

But...

Look, I don't blame this Artemis Fowl guy, it's a great opportunity for him, and it wasn't his idea to begin with. I blame this on all the non-creative bloodsuckers in suits who seem intent on drowning society in pop culture nostalgia with their remakes and reboots and resets and reimaginings--enough already! Grow a pair and take a fucking risk for chrissake!

Sorry.

Anyway, it's entirely possible I'm way off base here. So below I've posted Troll Poll #4 because I want to know what you think, if anything. I mean, "if anything" regarding this. I realize you think about many, many wonderful things on a daily basis.

If there's enough interest we might do another poll in November-December-ish once everyone who wants to read it has, in order to determine if it was as much of a steaming pile of pointless exploitation as we all thought it would be (pending the results of the below poll, I mean).

How bad will the 6th Hitchhiker's book be?
	Somewhat not bad.
	Mostly harmless.
	Like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.
	Like entering the long dark teatime of the soul.
pollcode.com free polls

An Hour And A Half Of Your Life...

...and you'll never have to claim ignorance again.

Old Pirates, Yes, Dey Rob I

This Lady's Been Snorting Squalene Adjuvant

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BREAKING NEWS!

Local Celebrity Holds Woman Captive - Victim Blames Herself, Media Spins Captor's Behavior As 'Over-Playful'

by Blogless Troll

NEW ZEALAND - A woman swimming in Hawkes Bay near Mahia had to be rescued Monday after local celebrity and all around douchebag, Moko the Friendly Dolphin, held her captive by blocking her efforts to swim to shore.

The woman survived her harrowing ordeal thanks to a super-intelligent buoy that sensed she was drowning and held her afloat until beach goers arrived in a dinghy to rescue her. If not for the courageous nature of buoys--long regarded as the friendliest technological marvels of the sea--the woman likely would have succumbed to the freezing waters and drowned.

The victim wished to remain anonymous, probably because she feared the dolphin worshipping lunatics of the world would hunt her down and lynch her for exposing Moko as the fraud he is.

"We were playing around for a while but then when I wanted to go back in, he just wanted to keep playing. I became exhausted and started to panic," she said, anxiously looking over her shoulder and choosing her words carefully so as not to further tarnish the dolphin-god's reputation.

"The reality set in that I was out in the ocean with a wild animal and no people around, so I felt quite vulnerable." Translation: The dolphin tried to rape me.

Blogless Troll, a self-proclaimed expert on dolphin duplicity, reminded readers of his prior warnings concerning Moko the Would-Be Murderer, "I told y'all last year that little bastard was fulla shit."

"Look, that fucker can't have it both ways," Mr. Troll added. "Either he's super-intelligent or he's not. The scientific consensus seems to be that he is intelligent. Therefore, the only conclusion you can draw here is that this was an intentional act, and he should be brought up on attempted murder charges. And probably rape charges too. Ms. Wishes-To-Remain-Anonymous should take a pregnancy test either way."

When asked what motivation the sadistic cetacean might have for such a cruel act, Mr. Troll cited an article that appeared in the local Gisborne Herald just two days before this incident took place.

In the article, scientists present evidence that Moko has been injured in the past by human boat propellers and fish hooks. They also conclusively prove that Moko is upset over local signage that incorrectly labels him as female.

"Hey, I'd be pissed too if I was mocked in print by a species of alleged intellectual inferiority," explained Mr. Troll. "Would I kidnap an innocent person and force her to swim to the point of exhaustion because of it? Probably not.

"Nobody's perfect, but me personally, I try to be the buoy."


Editor's Note: The Daily Mail, the BBC, and TVNZ all inexplicably have a different take on this story. But they're all gossip rags anyway, so fuck 'em. Also, make sure you read the comments at the end of the Daily Mail piece. They're hilarious.

More Boring Stuff Too Boring To Understand Because It's Boring

Click here for boring.

Numbers of note:

$23.7 trillion

35 criminal and civil investigations

***

More boring shit that doesn't affect you in any way.

I'm sure it's all above board.

Paulson Or Geithner, What's The Difference?

Goin' Fishin'

The Troll family is going to the beach for a couple of weeks. We're gonna relax, reenact Corona commercials, and not think about silly things like free throws and, I dunno, actually GETTING A HAND UP IN A GUY'S FACE WHEN HE'S SHOOTING A GAME TYING 3 AT THE BUZZER!

Sorry. That was totally unrelated to this post.

Anyway, as far as this blog's concerned, the next two weeks will be just like the last two weeks, except instead of worrying yourself silly wondering where Blogless went, you'll sleep soundly knowing I'm right here:

Hey LeBron! LeBron! Kobe! Kobe! LeBron! Hey Kobe! LeBron! Kobe!

They won't show you this version on TV.