I Hate To Say I Told You So, But...

I told you so.

Well, the Federal government sat on its hands and did absolutely nothing despite my plea for the allocation of additional dollars needed to stem the disturbing fast food crisis gaining traction in Florida. And as a result of our government’s refusal to act, the crisis is spreading across the country—to Utah of all places—just like I said it would, as quickly as an Ebola virus late for a date with... with... I dunno, someone prone to contracting Ebola viruses.

But whereas we Floridians are an assemblage of mild mannered sane people who utilize the safeguards put in place by a rational civilized society, those crazy fuckers in Utah shoot first and ask questions later.

I can’t say I blame them though. There’s nothing more aggravating than having to order an Egg McMuffin when you really want a Quarter Pounder, and given the right circumstances, firepower, etc. I could easily see myself considering this a viable course of action. Which just goes to show that the Federal government must step in and take even bolder action in order to save us from ourselves. That’s why I’m calling for government certified anger management counselors to be on site 24/7 at all fast food restaurants within the United States and Mexico (because we’re responsible for them too). I’m not saying this will in any way solve the fast food crisis, in fact it may actually increase the amount of nationwide McRage (trademark pending), but what it will do is demonstrate that our elected officials are serious about tackling the problems we face, and to a large percentage of our population that’s all that really matters.