Monday, December 1, 2008

Songs Of The Season

O Christmas Tree


O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree
Those Germans screwed you over
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

Murdered from Spain to Dover
If you had legs you’d run and hide
But since you don’t it’s timbercide
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree
Disguise yourself with clover.







O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree
It pains me so to do this
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree
The kids want you this Christmas
You’ll give us hope as best you can
Then we’ll give you to the garbage man
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree
Your roots I hope you won’t miss.








O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree
I hate to be a killjoy
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree
Our angel's not your sex toy
She’s shining bright; she’s standing fast
Your highest branch is up her ass
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

We thought you were a good boy.









O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree
I hoped to stem disaster
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree
My anger's rising faster
We gave you lights and bells for free
Then you dripped sap on my new Wii
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree
You ungrateful bastard.








O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree
We should have picked another
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree
You, I'm about to smother
You wilted fast and turned real brown
But did you have to burn our house down?
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree
Next year we’ll kill your mother.



11 comments:

Aerin said...

Mostly I was rolling my eyes and smiling, but the last stanza made me chuckle - a nice Monday morning present - thanks!

Scott from Oregon said...

When you live in Oregon, the whole Xmas tree thingy loses its luster.

Our property alone must have thirty Xmas trees on it, not to mention the Xmas tree farm a few doors down...

We hang lights on the pump/well house and call it good.

JaneyV said...

I'm going to have to teach this to all the kids in my class for the Christmas Carol Concert. (They're aged 4 and 5). That's given me the best laugh I've had all week!

Priceless!

pjd said...

It's a thing of beauty. Coming from New England where we used to trudge out into the snow and cut down our own tree (on a xmas tree farm), I've never really understood the whole Christmas tree thing here in California. We bought one on Saturday at Home Depot in 70 degree sunshine. Sort of loses the whole pagan "bring evergreen indoors to keep the hope of spring alive" thing. But I'll be damned if I let it drip sap on MY presents.

Robin S. said...

The chronology/acceleration on this is a fucking hoot!

McKoala said...

That is funny. One not for the kids.

Whirlochre said...

Wept so much I'm dehydrated.

writtenwyrdd said...

Hilarious! I particularly liked the angel stanza.

Chris Eldin said...

AHAHAHAHAH! You are bad.
;-)

Ello said...

I read this on my google reader and laughed and forgot to come and comment because I have been quite retarded lately. Don't worry it is not catching. But I thought this was hysterical and but for the fact that I am trying to go G or at least PG13 on my blog now, I would have totally linked you and howled!

NAVAL LANGA said...

I have come here from Mr. Travis Ervin's blog. I have read some of your posts. I would revisit for reading more literature from you.

If you like short stories and paintings, then a short visit to my blogs wold be an entertaining one.

Naval Langa