Friday, June 13, 2008

Signs Of The Apocalypse #1

I see a lot of these. Crystal clear markers that the end is nigh. They're everywhere. I figured I'd start cataloging them, so at least I could say I told you so…


Today's sign: Upscale Pringles in a bag!


©2008 P&G



What the hell is going on here? Either you’re sophisticated, or you eat Pringles. Not both. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “All right, Blogless. Clearly Pringles has jumped the shark, but signaling the end of all life as we know it? C’mon.” Well, you can bury your head in the sand if you want to, but my eyes are wide open. You know what happens when you put Pringles in a bag? They break. And any Pringles eater worth their maltodextrin will tell you, the only reason to buy Pringles in the first place is to make the patented Pringles duck face:







And that’s impossible to do with chip shards.

The Pringles people have seen the writing on the wall. They know unusual behavior is the norm when the sand is almost through the hourglass, much like how animals go wacko right before an earthquake. So they’re cashing in while they can. Do you really think their intent is to be taken seriously when one of their other products, the Sour Cream and Onion Pringle, is responsible for producing some of the worst smelling gas in the history of mankind? I think not.

The end is nigh.



14 comments:

pjd said...

Truth-o-meter says "Sacred Truth" (where is the vaunted truth-o-meter these days, anyway? i miss it)

Upscale Pringles in a bag is twisted. Or maybe pointless is a better word.

Oh! Wait! I know! Pringles marketing team is comprised of freakin' geniuses. Why? Pringles must be perfect when put in the can, right? Otherwise, consumers can't make the duck face. But the manufacturing and packaging process is sure to result in some breakage.

In the past, Pringles execs just sadly shook their heads at the failed product before sweeping it into the trash bin. Now, though, they can sweep it into bags and pretend it was broken in shipping. AND with the fancy logo, they can charge more!

F'ing brilliant, if you ask me.

pjd said...

By the way, props for using the phrase "jumped the shark." you got mad blog skilz, dawg.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Pringles? In a bag? And sundried tomato flaver? Yeah, I'd, um, comment on that but I, uh, have to get the trunk packed and the animals in the car and the car gassed up and rush off to the shelt, um, dog park. Yeah, that's where we're going.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Look at that. Rattled me so much I couldn't spell flava!

Whirlochre said...

It's the cardboard tube I'll miss.

With nothing to measure out a perfect portion of spaghetti, I'm sure to overdo it and put on weight.

Travis Erwin said...

That ain't right. Bring back the can!

Robin S. said...

Ok. You sold me. It's Apocalypse-Almost-Now.

Damn those Friday the 13th signs.

Like today in DC, all the stop lights on 14th Street were out during morning rush hour. And let me tell ya, if the end of the world is near, and the shit I saw when the rules were 'turned off' happens, I hope to hell I'm not in DC for it. People are animals. It's something to bear in mind, always.

blogless troll said...

I don't wanna mislead anyone here. The regular Pringles are still available in the cardboard can as far as I know. And now they come in Blazin' Buffalo Wing and Screamin' Dill Pickle. I guess there's a niche demographic out there who really likes pickles but would rather eat a chip.

And Pete, the TOM's in the shop. Needed some new ball bearings. Hopefully, it'll be done soon, but you know mechanics...

Sarah Laurenson said...

I love Lays Dill Pickle chips. I bring them back from Canada whenever we go. Not sure about Dill Pickle Pringles though. Doesn't seem right somehow.

Oh and if the pickle chips were available here? I wouldn't eat them all that often. So maybe I don't really love them.

pacatrue said...

The end of the world is nigh when you see gourmet Funyons.

Yeah, I like the dill pickle chip and I'm also a fan of the new jalapeno everything. There's a jalapeno cheeto flavor now.

You know, I've eaten many a pringle, but never heard of the duck bill thing.

JaneyV said...

I try not to eat Pringles because I end up eating the while frackin' tube and frankly I don't need the calories! Although I have had hours of fun doing the duck-face. Wouldn't Pringles in a fancy bag just be tasty crumbs?

Sun-dried tasty crumbs anyone?

McKoala said...

I love sour cream and onion Pringles.

marta said...

You do know that the fellow who gave the world the Pringles can died recently and he asked for some of his ashes to be kept in, yes, a Pringles can. His grown children stopped at some gas station/quickie mart kind of place and bought some Pringles on the way to the service.

Thought you'd want to know.

freddie said...

Another sign of the apocalypse is baked Krunchers. WTF? The baking takes out most of the Krunch. And don't get me started on Baked Cheetos.

There are just too many choices these days.