Ha! Ha! No. It’s not what you think. Though probably just as important.
Early voting in Florida started on October 21st. Twelve hours a day at all public libraries, at least in Orange County where I live. During my daily meanderings, I drive by at least two, sometimes three, libraries several times per day, and from 10AM on the lines are out the door and around the corner. And I keep thinking to myself: Why?
I know some people will be out of town on Election Day and they don’t trust/never heard of absentee ballots. I understand that some people will not be able to get off work to vote. But I can’t imagine that’s the case for most of the ding dongs standing in line. So yesterday afternoon I stopped at one of the libraries and conducted an impromptu poll of all the people waiting outside. OK, I didn’t actually stop, per se… But I did roll down the window and shout, “Hey! Why are all you dumbasses waiting in line?” And I guess technically I was speeding off too quickly to hear all of the responses, but I did get enough of an earful to finally understand this phenomenon. Here are the results:
37% - Think they’re saving time by waiting in long lines now instead of waiting in no lines on Election Day.
26% - Just can’t wait to shoot their electoral wad.
24% - Unable to vote in Orange County on Election Day because they’ll be voting in multiple other counties and traffic’s a bitch.
19% - Saw a line and didn’t want to miss anything.
17% - Thought they were in line for Splash Mountain.
16.5% - Wanted to make sure their vote for Pat Buchanan counted this time.
14% - Think standing in line is patriotic.
12.5% - Have a dimpled chad fetish. (I didn’t have the heart to break the news to them.)
11% - Unable to get off work.
6% - Couldn’t wait another week for their “I Voted” sticker.
2.2% - Will be out of town on Election Day.
0.5% - Just trying to return overdue books.
0.3% - Didn’t have any overdue books until this silly early voting started. Now they owe twelve bucks. Friggin democracy.
Yes, I realize it adds up to 186%, but this is presidential politics we’re talking about and there’s a certain amount of flexibility when it comes to numbers and facts.
But hey, maybe I’m way off. Maybe I’m the dumbass. Maybe I’ll be the one standing in line for three hours on Election Day due to a magical curing of voter apathy and record turnout. But seeing as Orange County has 262 polling places on Election Day and only 9 libraries, I kinda doubt it. I’ll take a stopwatch with me and let you know.
9 hours ago
7 comments:
Can't help but wonder how many of these people are people who don't ordinarily vote. I find this interesting (in that dumbass-studyin' kinda way you mentioned).
186% sounds like a valid result.
Robin, hopefully all of them. I don't see many young people in these lines so maybe it IS the formerly apathetic. I would gladly be the dumbass if that's the case. But I don't know.
McK, welcome back!
I don't know either, honey. It seems off kilter, somehow. I can't out my finger on why.
PS, BT. I memed you.
They had something on the local news last night about the lines. There were some young people who never voted before, but overwhelmingly the people they talked to were voting early to avoid the lines on election day.
The lines were even longer today. Around mid morning on the way to the bank I saw about 400 people in line outside one library. I don't know how many were inside.
Also, some dude set up shop selling bottled water to the crowd for $3.00 a piece. I think his sign said "Steve The Price Gouger". Actually, it might have said "Steve The Shrewd Merchant Who Knows These Schmucks Will Buy Anything". I didn't get a good look at it.
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