Tuesday, March 3, 2009

It's Official: Fast Food Crisis In Florida

You may remember (or not) last August when I brought to your attention an incident involving a Jacksonville man who called 911 to report that Subway screwed up his order.

Turns out this wasn't an isolated incident. We didn't know it at the time, but we were witnessing the beginnings of a full blown crisis here in the Sunshine State: idiots working at fast food restaurants.

Now they've infiltrated Burger King AND McDonald's.

You can tell by the 911 operator's response that local law enforcement simply doesn't have the resources to properly deal with this crisis. If left unchecked this crisis could spread, and potentially endanger other businesses, like, I don't know, Fazoli's or something.

The solution is simple: we need an additional influx of Federal dollars. Unfortunately, our governor has already pissed away the stimulus package money that we haven't received yet by using it to balance this year's and next year's State budget, thereby avoiding having to cut any wasteful spending programs which might upset potential voters and possibly kill the critical political momentum he's built up and will need for a successful 2010 U.S. Senate run. So we're gonna need a second hit. Sorry, California. Your problems pale in comparison. If you live in Florida, please call or write to your representatives today and urge them to beg Washington for more money, so it can be allocated specifically to local law enforcement or given to someone's buddy in a series of convoluted backdoor deals. Either way, we must act. If we do nothing, our children and our children's children-- even our children's children's children--will grow up in a world where no one... what was I talking about? Oh yeah. McNuggets. In a world where no one can get McNuggets on demand. Or something.

16 comments:

Aerin said...

This is really disturbing. You may want to consider moving. There's only so much citizens should have to take.

Sarah Laurenson said...

McNuggets are an emergency

Didn't someone check her med levels?

Getting out of FL sounds like a wise move, oh Troll. Next thing you know they'll be calling 911 because you haven't posted on your blog every day. And that is truly an emergency situation.

pjd said...

But Washington is to blame for this budget crisis in Florida. If the regulators hadn't shut down corporate junkets, the business conference trade would be booming in Florida. Tax revenue would soar, and the state government could then provide a bailout to McDonald's and Burger King so they would not run out of McNuggets and lemonade.

blogless troll said...

Aerin and Sarah, thank you for your concern. I appreciate it. But I will stay and fight the good fight. Besides, it's freakin cold everywhere else.

Pete, that's true. But Washington also helped spur rampant real estate speculation in our state, and for a while Tallahassee Inc. didn't know what to do with all the extra property taxes they were collecting. Real estate prices are supposed to go up forever. It's not Washington's fault they didn't. I blame the real estate for that. Not the agents or realtors. I'm talking about the actual physical land and improvements. It should know better than to decline in value.

Robin S. said...

I'm laughing so hard at this, and at myself, because...

1.I kept expecting dolphins, and

2....then I wanted to say, oh yeah, we have those order-screwer-uppers here, in spades, and

3....then I realized I should have realized there'd be another layer in the saga, and it would be a good one.

And it was!!

Ello said...

This is my 5th time trying to comment! F**king Blogger!!!!

Ahem - anyway. I totally forgot what I wanted to say... Oh yeah, you live in a weird place, dude.

he he

blogless troll said...

After going back and actually reading the police report, I'm gonna have to side with the McNuggets lady. She's got a legitimate point. Mickey D's tried to fuck her. If she leaves without reporting it it's her word against The Clown. What we need for these type of situations is an easy to remember non-emergency number. Something like 811. Or, hell, why does it have to be ones? How about 222? In case of non-life threatening emergency dial 222. That should only take about $5 billion to implement. Chump change.

blogless troll said...

Robin, dolphins? And fast food? Interesting...

Ello, weird and wonderful.

Whirlochre said...

I'd sell my soul to the devil to get perfect fries in every outlet for the rest of my life — only I can't get hold of him cuz he's too busy stuffing himself with pizza.

McKoala said...

I would like to emphasise that the McKoala clan is in no way related to the McDonalds clan.

I saw a mouse in a McDonalds once. I think it was a future McNugget with legs.

Chris Eldin said...

Makes me wonder who's in control of our tax dollars.
At least they're not being wasted on dolphins...

Scott from Oregon said...

And for a bit of Micky Dee bashing...

How 'bout some Aussie comedy...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihk9-lO5cQc

laughingwolf said...

what, no update on the florida fruit problems? the nerve!

what about the worm 'calling' crisis?

if they got rid of the commies, cuba could be an option ;)

sylvia said...

I could be tempted to pitch in and claim FLA residency - in return for a cheddar cheese roast beef thingie from Arby's, maybe?

Bevie said...

Just have to put my two cents in (it's all I can hope to get from the stimulus package after the people on top take their cut).

Leaving Florida may be the only answer. But if you do, I should stay away from Minnesota. Our governor thinks he can be president, so you can guess where any stimulus money is going to go in this state.

freddie said...

I'd heard about the McDonald's/chicken nugget drama, but not about the other two. Whoa!

I'd invite you to Chicago, Blogless, but like you said . . . it's cold.