Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Junk Mail

I usually delete these, and I never forward them. Most of the time, one or two will strike a chord and the rest will be whacked out filler. So I was surprised to find all of these were dead on. Still didn't forward it to anyone though.



You know you're from Florida if...

...Socks are only for bowling.

...You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes.

...A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.

...Your winter coat is made of denim.

...You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.

...You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.

...Anything under 70 is chilly.

...You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.

...You could swim before you could read.

...You have to drive north to get to The South.

...You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.

...Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004 -2005.

...You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.

...You dread love bug season.

...You know what a snowbird is and when they'll leave.

...You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.

...You were twelve before you ever saw snow, or you still haven't.

..."Down South" means Key West.

...You think New York drivers licenses should only be valid in New York.

...Flip-flops are everyday wear.

...Shoes are for business meetings and church.

...but you HAVE worn flip flops to church before.

...Sweet tea can be served at any meal.

...An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.

...You smirk when a game show's "Grand Prize" is a trip or cruise to Florida.

...You measure distance in minutes.

...You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

...You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

...A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

...You think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent.

...You know the four seasons really are: hurricane season, love bug season, tourist season and summer.

...It's not soda, cola, or pop. It's coke, regardless of brand or flavor, "What kinda coke you want?"

...Anything under 95 is just warm.

...You've hosted a hurricane party.

...You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best rides. (Space Mountain during the Electric Light Parade!)

...You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.

...You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than to own a boat yourself.

...Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include various fish, NRA, NASCAR, Go Gators , Go Noles and a Confederate Flag.

...You were 5 before you realized they made houses without pools.

...You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.

...You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.

...You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Ichnatucknee, Withlacoochee and Micanopy.

8 comments:

Kiersten said...

I used to visit my grandparents in Florida every summer, and this list made me laugh. So true.

JaneyV said...

I'm feeling all hot and sweaty now. I'm not sure I could live with all the bugs.

Robin S. said...

Ha!

Love the driving North to get to the South.

And I totally agree- under 70 IS chilly.

Whirlochre said...

Flip flops?

I'd love to visit your local high street and listen in to the mass squelching.

pjd said...

Having just been to Florida, and having gleaned the majority of my Florida knowledge from Dave Barry's writing, this seemed pretty accurate and funny.

A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

We were on our tour bus going to the town of Christmas, and the tour guide said something about "when we get to the top of this hill." My wife and I looked at each other and then spent the next five minutes trying to identify a hill within the 100 mile radius of flatness around us. No wonder there are so many amusement parks in Florida. Roller coasters are the only real hills in the whole state.

writtenwyrdd said...

Except for the love bug thing, you could say all of these for Hawaii living, too. When I left, I felt like I was freezing ot death when Imoved to Tacoma and it was like 45 degrees.

ChrisEldin said...

AHAHAHAH!
These are very funny! I like your four seasons.
:-)

ChrisEldin said...

Oh, is there really a Yeehaw?

I have something in a story I put aside called Yeehaw. Never crossed my mind it might actually exist.....
Makes me want to go back to that story...
Aw, Yeehaw.