Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Another Crazy-Whack Trio

1. This story raises all kinds of questions. The main one, which isn't even addressed, is: Just how many elderly people are there on crack?

2. You may have heard about the Yankee Stadium hex, a ridiculous story being played up to persuade people to think about baseball in ways unrelated to steroids. Or the Mitchell Report. Or the rug under which the Mitchell Report's been swept. Or the players named in the Mitchell Report who just received full immunity. Which is fine with me. Really. Because baseball is the national pastime. And no player should be punished for trying to improve the national pastime. Except Barry Bonds. Because he's not media friendly. Which means he's an asshole. So they should nail his ass to the wall. But not everybody else. Because everybody else didn't really mean it. Plus, they smile for the camera. And answer all the idiotic questions. The ones Barry Bonds won't. Because he's an asshole. I used to love Major League Baseball. (Free Barry.)

Not to worry Yankee fans, your beloved new pleasure palace is now completely safe and hex-free, because insanity sells. By the way, all this makes me want to punch the Yankees in the face even more.

3. I just threw this one in here because it'll make you vomit. But it's got a happy ending. Very soon this guy will find a woman who loves him for who he is, warts and all. (Okay, sorry. That was cheap and mediocre and way too easy, I know. But how could I not?)

11 comments:

pjd said...

1. Maybe crack cocaine is one of the drugs covered by the new medicare rules.

2. The Yankees are going to sue the construction worker to try to recover money the "hex" cost them? I guess they need to find some way to cover their $200 million payroll. The NYY payroll is more than the Giants, A's, and Padres combined. I read that in yesterday's local paper. And I'm right there with you when you punch the Yankees in the face. Then I'm getting the hell out of there before they kick both our asses.

3. Um. Wow. Maybe this explains the Ents.

Sarah Laurenson said...

1. I had a coworker ask me why an old man he used to work with had one long fingernail that was cut at an angle. I told him it was so the guy could cut his cocaine without a razor. He didn't believe me. Whatever.

If I were stuck in one of those places, I might be smoking crack to pass the time.

2. Um, yeah. Let's make the most boring sport in the world a little more exciting. Well, so it's just making the talk about it a little more exciting. The sport - not so much.

Don't get me wrong. I loved baseball as a kid. Saw the Mets win the 69 World Series. Had a Mets uniform to wear to the games. Made a banner for banner day. Do they do any of that anymore? Or is it all about the drugs? And don't get me started on sportmanship and whatever happened to that.

As for the guy who buried a piece of cloth in the dirt. We should sue his ass for um, let me think, um... Can we ticket him for littering?

3. Yeah. Make sure and keep those genes in the gene pool. We need more tree people in this world.

Ello said...

You owe me a new laptop because I puked all over mine you jerk. I'm gonna have nightmares cause of you. NIGHTMARES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Robin S. said...

#3 Yuk. Yuk. Yuk.

#2 I agree. This is dumb all around.

#1 Wow.

You've got one helluva news roundup here, BT. What a mind!!!
Love it.

ChristineEldin said...

Ello, you're just pretending. You know that you wanted a little peeky to see if there were warts *everywhere*
HAHAHAHAAHA!

McKoala said...

I just squandered 20 minutes I will never get back reading all the bizarre medical stories from The Telegraph and it's all your fault.

Whirlochre said...

The moment my wheelchair squeaks to a halt and I'm offered my first cup of lukewarm tea, I'm heading for the bipolar skeleton in the corner...

Ello said...

Oh amight nosepicking troll! Can you share with me the secret of the feeds and their updating process in your sidebar? I want one too!

blogless troll said...

Instead of going to www.blogger.com, go to draft.blogger.com (no www). Then in Layout, where it normally has add Page Element, it'll say Add A Gadget. In there it'll have one for Blog List. You can type them in or import them from Google Reader if you use that. Then choose how much info you want to display, like the title of the last post, the first few lines of the last post, etc.

Sorry about your laptop. Maybe you were poisoned.

blogless troll said...

Maybe this explains the Ents.
Damn, I wish I'd thought of that. Good one, Pete.

If I were stuck in one of those places, I might be smoking crack to pass the time. Yeah, Sarah. I agree.

Glad you liked it, Robin.

Chris...as if it wasn't gross enough already.

I was just paying it forward, McK. I wasted 30. I'm a slow reader.

WO, you crack me up.

Ello said...

I know I'm going to mess that up somehow. But I'm gonna try!