Monday, April 14, 2008

We’re Gonna Party Like It’s 1989

I was browsing summer movie trailers this weekend when I came across the one for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull*. I immediately turned to Blogless Jr., who’ll be nine in a couple of months, and said, “Dude, check this out! I forgot about the new Indy!” He looked at me as if my face was melting off from having stared into the Ark of the Covenant. Then he said, “Who’s Indy?”

I fell off my chair.

Up until that moment, I thought I’d been a pretty good father. I mean, he knows Star Wars forwards and backwards, he’s had a Silver Surfer poster on his wall since he was three, and only recently did he stop continually singing: Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig. Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. Can he swing from a web? No he can't. He's a pig. Look out! He is the Spider-Pig!

But the kid doesn’t know Indy. Then I also realized we don’t own any of the Indy movies on DVD, another oversight on my part that will soon be corrected. But until then, Netflix will be providing the study materials for Junior’s crash course in Indyology 101. If we can complete that over the next few weekends, that should leave us just enough time for the advanced courses, like:

How To Make A Convincing Bullwhip From A Jump Rope, Scissors, And Spray Paint (3 credits)


Mastering The Bad Ass Brogue Of Professor Henry Jones, Sr. (It tellshh me that gooshh-ssshhhtepping morons like yourshhelf should shhtart reading bookshh inshhtead of burning them.)

Now twenty years ago, Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, and Harrison Ford—whether separately or together—made some great movies, instant classics even. However, sometime in the early to mid-nineties, the three of them must have been forced to drink the blood of the Kali. That’s the only explanation. Hopefully, they’ve woken from the black sleep. The trailer does look promising, and while Shia LeBeouf is in the new Indy, at least it's not Hayden Christensen.

Not only was 1989 the year of the last Indy movie, it was also the year of the first Tim Burton Batman movie. And as luck or strategic Hollywood planning would have it, the second of the new, restarted Batman series comes out this summer as well. I’ve never really been a comic book geek, but I’ve also never been in the camp that makes fun of them, because what happens when you don’t respect the comic book geeks is you end up with Jerkoff Clooney as Batman.

Thankfully, Hollywood seems to have learned its lesson, and The Dark Knight looks to be possibly the best Batman movie of all time, as long as they don’t screw it up.

*Of course, Krystal would be the perfect fast food chain for the movie tie-ins, but sadly, they don’t have a chance.


Ello said...

Ok - the trailer does look so awesome! And I am so psyched that they are going back to the original premise with Karen Allen - she was my favorite!

pjd said...

The mark of a good father is to know when he's made a mistake and correct it at the first opportunity. I netflixed all three Indy movies for my boys a few months ago. I had forgotten just how weak the second was compared to the first and third.

By the way, excellent use of movie notes in your post. And outstanding rendition of Dr. Jones, Sr.

By the way, when you're watching The Last Crusade with Blogless, Jr., be prepared to explain to him why you laugh when Indy says, "Dad, I was the next man." That little moment took me by surprise, and the 8-year-old would NOT let me out of some sort of answer.

Robin S. said...

Oh holy carp- your Henry Jones-Connery bit had me grinning big.

Hell, I'm still grinning.

And I'm also grinning thinking about there being a Blogless Junior. Yeah. I'm still grinning.

Robin S. said...

What the hell is holy carp, anyway???

blogless_troll said...

I just assumed you meant holy mackerel.

Completely agree, Ello. She was definitely the best of the leading ladies.

Thanks for the heads up, Pete. I forgot about that part. Sounds like a job for the Well-Timed Sneeze.

pjd said...

I just assumed you meant holy mackerel.

This is, quite possibly, the funniest thing I have read this century.

WriterKat said...

Unfortunately, my son only knows Indiana by the Disneyland ride. I've tried to get him to watch #1 but daughter starts kicking up a fit of how scary it is. Not sure what that's about. Maybe I'll compete with you on the Netflix order.

blogless_troll said...

Hi, WriterKat. You'll probably beat me on the Netflix order. I keep trying to stay up late to watch Dark Passage, which is the one I've got now, but I keep falling asleep.