I was browsing summer movie trailers this weekend when I came across the one for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull*. I immediately turned to Blogless Jr., who’ll be nine in a couple of months, and said, “Dude, check this out! I forgot about the new Indy!” He looked at me as if my face was melting off from having stared into the Ark of the Covenant. Then he said, “Who’s Indy?”
I fell off my chair.
Up until that moment, I thought I’d been a pretty good father. I mean, he knows Star Wars forwards and backwards, he’s had a Silver Surfer poster on his wall since he was three, and only recently did he stop continually singing: Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig. Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. Can he swing from a web? No he can't. He's a pig. Look out! He is the Spider-Pig!
But the kid doesn’t know Indy. Then I also realized we don’t own any of the Indy movies on DVD, another oversight on my part that will soon be corrected. But until then, Netflix will be providing the study materials for Junior’s crash course in Indyology 101. If we can complete that over the next few weekends, that should leave us just enough time for the advanced courses, like:
How To Make A Convincing Bullwhip From A Jump Rope, Scissors, And Spray Paint (3 credits)
Mastering The Bad Ass Brogue Of Professor Henry Jones, Sr. (It tellshh me that gooshh-ssshhhtepping morons like yourshhelf should shhtart reading bookshh inshhtead of burning them.)
Now twenty years ago, Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, and Harrison Ford—whether separately or together—made some great movies, instant classics even. However, sometime in the early to mid-nineties, the three of them must have been forced to drink the blood of the Kali. That’s the only explanation. Hopefully, they’ve woken from the black sleep. The trailer does look promising, and while Shia LeBeouf is in the new Indy, at least it's not Hayden Christensen.
Not only was 1989 the year of the last Indy movie, it was also the year of the first Tim Burton Batman movie. And as luck or strategic
Thankfully, Hollywood seems to have learned its lesson, and The Dark Knight looks to be possibly the best Batman movie of all time, as long as they don’t screw it up.
*Of course, Krystal would be the perfect fast food chain for the movie tie-ins, but sadly, they don’t have a chance.