Monday, March 17, 2008

The Troll's Guide To Madness, Part 4


First Round

If you’re actually going to watch these games, then the Midwest region undoubtedly has the most exciting first round matchup of the entire tourney: #11 Kansas State vs #6 USC. Both teams have future NBA All-Star freshman leaders in Michael Beasley (Kansas St.) and O.J. Mayo (not as gross as it sounds). It should be a great game with USC coming out on top.

The Midwest also has a potential Cinderella team in #10 seeded Davidson. A Cinderella team is a team that spends its days scrubbing cobblestone floors and talking to comical rodents. Davidson is pitted against a schizophrenic #7 Gonzaga team, and I’m predicting this minor upset in the first round. The driving force behind Davidson is sophomore guard Stephen Curry, son of former NBA sharpshooter Del Curry. The driving force behind Cinderella was that weird looking carriage that turned back into a pumpkin and left her stranded on the side of the road. So the only question is: when will Stephen Curry turn into a pumpkin? Answer: Second round against Georgetown.

#8 UNLV vs #9 Kent State

Alright, I promised to reveal my proprietary method for picking these #8/#9 games. What I do is I write the names of the two teams on separate pieces of paper. I’ll take the #9 team, in this case Kent State, and place it in front of me. Then I’ll take the #8 team, UNLV, and place it front of the person sitting across from me. Since I’m alone at my computer, I’ll pretend you are sitting across from me, so I have theoretically placed UNLV in front of you. Now we’re ready for Vizzini Analysis (patent pending).

All I have to do is divine from what I know of these two teams: is UNLV the sort of team who would win a first round game, or is Kent State? Now, a clever man would say UNLV has the higher seed and they’ve won a National Championship in the past, so I can clearly not choose the team in front of me. But as we’ve already established, the seedings in these games are meaningless and UNLV’s Championship occurred in the ancient past (1990), so I can clearly not choose the team in front of you. Kent State is in Ohio, as everyone knows, and Ohio is entirely peopled with buckeyes, and “buckeye” is a nickname that derives from a species of tree that stinks, so I can clearly not choose the team in front of me. But UNLV is from Las Vegas, and Las Vegas is full of whores, and whores cannot be trusted, so I can clearly not choose the team in front of you.

What? I’m stalling? You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you?! UNLV’s beaten BYU, twice, which means they’re exceptionally strong, so I can clearly not choose the team in front of me. But Kent State got their ass kicked by BYU, and in doing so they learned humility. Humility is a virtue that should never be underestimated, so I can clearly not choose the team in front of you.

You don’t think this will work? BUT IT HAS WORKED! I KNOW WHICH TEAM WILL WIN! And it’s—

What in the world can that be? ------------------------------>

Second Round

USC will also beat the defensive minded Wisconsin.

Sweet Sixteen and Elite Eight

And the defensive minded Georgetown. But will ultimately lose to Kansas, who has the best shot, on paper at least, of going all the way.

Click to enlarge.


Ello said...

He didn't fall? Inconceivable!!

OMG you killed me with the whole Princess Bride analogy. Stop mocking me. I DIED (laughing) today.

OK - I'm totally with you on the Davidson but USC over Georgetown? Sacrilege!!!!!! Do you happen to have six fingers on your right hand? Ok I know Kansas has got a great team but there is alot of pressure on them since they have choked in the past so I gotta go with Georgetown again.

One thing I noticed is that so far you only have 1 upset. My theory is that you need at least 4, and like you said, not the close calls. This first round always has some interesting upsets and I've got at least 4. Not saying I will be right, but that is my crazy methodology. Pick at least 4 upsets.

I will be waiting with bated breath for more insights!

blogless_troll said...

Yeah, your right about the upsets. But stay tuned, I've got 2 in the next region.

pjd said...

Oh, I guess you're not picking against the Pac-10. In fact, I think I picked Gtown over Southern Cal.

Vizzini analysis is awesome. One of my favorite movies of all time, and you nailed it. I even heard the voice. Are you Sicilian?

"Hey Inigo. I hope we win."

Robin S. said...

I've never even heard of Vizzini, but your analysis was a riot. And it makes me feel better about the weird reasons I pick things.