Yet Another Strange News Story

I’ve been on kind of a news kick lately. Here’s another one I just grabbed off the wire:

After Two Years, Mysterious Editor Still On The Loose

BLOGLAND – Today marks the two year anniversary of the emergence of one of the Internet's Most Wanted: Evil Editor. Authorities have been attempting to track down this elusive character since 2006, when he allegedly appeared out of nowhere and began flooding global server farms with dangerous mind-altering clipart. According to one unnamed FBI official, the extent of the potential threat posed by the clipart is unknown. "But," the unnamed official went on to explain, "Evil Editor tries to mask his activity by cleverly embedding the clipart into writing related blog posts. Query critiques, writing exercises, line edits for user-submitted work, that sort of thing. It's good advice, actually. I've had one full and two partials requested as a result of—er, never mind."

Publishing industry insiders have noticed too. “Oh sure,” said Randy Rimmerman, a literary agent with Fleishman, Noodle, and Beck, Inc. who represents mostly werewolf fiction. “Ever since the Evil Editor, we’re receiving queries we can actually read without, you know, laughing. And the writers seem more at ease too. They’re not taking themselves as seriously, which is great for us. There’s nothing worse than a writer with their panties in a wad.”

However, not everyone in the publishing industry is enamored with the notorious Evil Editor. Hardest hit by his rise in popularity has been the once profitable How-To-Write market. Over the last two years, sales figures for How-To-Write books have plummeted, causing many to speculate that unless Evil Editor can be stopped, the entire How-To-Write market may soon collapse.

One of his devoted followers, known as Evil Minions, confirmed this disturbing trend, though she wished to remain Anonymous. “I used to spend thousands of dollars per month on How To Write books, but I never learned anything from them. Ever. Then one day I found Evil Editor, and it was like a light went on inside my head.”

Anon said she particularly enjoys submitting continuations for New Beginnings, one of the many user-generated content features available on Evil Editor's blog. “If he picks yours, he’ll change it around and make it better, and I’ve learned so much from that. Where else can you have your writing edited by a real professional editor for free?!”

Anon has since sold her entire How To Write book collection on Ebay, averaging five cents on the dollar, and has placed the small recouped fortune in a special interest bearing account in hopes that one day Evil Editor will accept donations on his blog. “It’s not much, I know. But I’ve got to repay him somehow. I hope they catch him soon, because what I really want to do is give him a great big hug.”

Authorities have set up a special website for collecting information on Evil Editor’s whereabouts. However, as of late yesterday, reports indicated a significant spike in internet chatter among Minions, specifically rumors that The Minions themselves were planning to hijack the site with the intention of using it for an alleged Evil Editor Two Year Anniversary Extravaganza. Sources say there was even talk of clipart.